THERE IS A MOOSE IN MY HAIR!
by Ane Hoshi
Summary: It's yaoi hijinks when Ane Hoshi gets hyper in play practice to the horror of Tamahome no Miko. Mitsukake convinces Chiriko that yaoi is GOOD one morning, and it snowballs from their. PG for sugestivness and yaoi content, minor cartoon violence
1. Default Chapter

Chiriko bent carefully over a scroll, brush in hand and an open inkpot nearby. He was writing a letter, though he found it difficult to concentrate. Images of Mitsukake kept flooding his mind. Was this the right thing to do? Worry Mitsukake like this? The way the kindly doctor smiled at him made Chiriko think the elder man had other feelings he kept hidden. Things that Chiriko kept hidden too. Chiriko dubiously signed the letter he was write, blew on the ink to dry it, and rolled it into a tidy scroll. He should probably arrange for the delivery of the letter.   
  
The young scholar strolled along the palace gardens trying to compose his face into smooth, unconcerned lines. Dropping a coin into a young boy's hand, Chiriko left the scroll in the hands of the messenger. He went and stare a koi pond. The carp flopping around made him hungry.   
  
The scholar wandered over to the feasting hall where he could demand an elaborate lunch. As Chiriko entered the hall, he sensed an aura. It felt familiar. It was the aura he had taken to heart so that he would always remember it. Suddenly Mitsukake flung himself out of the small broom closet.  
  
"Oh Chiriko! I just received your letter. I too love you. I have always loved you. Shoka? All a lie. I was frightened by my differences! BUT I LOVE YOU CHIRIKO!"  
  
Chiriko stumbled backwards. His face twitched. "You…you love me??" whimpered the young boy.   
  
"Now and forever!" bellowed the doctor.   
  
"But…I was…just asking you to proofread that letter! Didn't you get the note?"  
  
Mitsukake handed Chiriko the scroll. The bottom portion was torn off bellow Chiriko's signature. The part that had read "Would you be so kind as to proofread this and see if it would be appropriate for asking Nyan Nyan to marry me?"  
  
"But do you love me?" pleaded the doctor. Chiriko closed his eyes before answering.  
  
"No." he said simply.  
  
"Can I ask you permission to try and change your mind?"  
  
"How so?"  
  
Mitsukake's eye trailed down the hall leading to the sleeping quarters.  
  
****   
The next morning Hotohori stared at the koi pond without intrest. Stupid fish he thought. They are making me hungry. Hotohori finally decided to eat; he didn't want his beautiful body ruined by anorexia.   
  
The emperor ventured into the dinning hall and saw Nuriko, Tamahome, Chiriko, Mitsukake and Tauski already sitting and eating. Hotohori's eyebrow went up as he saw Chiriko and Mitsukake holding hands. Hotohori's eyebrow went up as he saw Tamahome and Tauski fluttering their eyes at each other. Nuriko suddenly flung himself against Hotohori's barrel chest.   
  
"Oh sire! I'm the happiest woman alive."  
  
"You're a man darling. That's the best part. But what's with the yaoi inn? I thought we were the only couple…"  
  
"I got Mitsukake and Chiriko together by bribing the messenger boys, all the messenger boys in your kingdom sire. And Tauski and Tamahome… well Tauski hates women and Tamahome got tired of a cold bed now that Miaka went back to her real world. So it just worked out. Chichiri, that dope, he's a monk! Celibacy and all."  
  
"Your so smart!" sighed Hotohori. "Now we can all have fun!"   
  
****  
Miaka sighed. She was messing with her hair in a mirror and couldn't get her part straight. A lump was appearing and wouldn't flatten.   
  
"You've put enough mousse on already Miaka!" sighed her brother irritably.   
  
"No! Not MOUSSE! MOOSE! As in big deer! A MOOSE IS IN MY HAIR!" Cried Miaka.   
  
Sure enough horns were coming forth from her odango and big eyes were peeping shyly from her bangs. "This is sooo random." Frowned the young man.  
****  
At a quiet beach near the palace, the happy couples were enjoying a vacation. Suddenly an angry Miaka stormed forth from the clouds. "YOU CHEATED ON ME TAMAHOME!" she bellowed.   
  
"How…how did you know?" whimpered Tamahome, cowering under a lawn chair.  
  
Giant Miaka plucked the chair off Tamahome and said. "A MOOSE APPEARED IN MY HAIR!"  
  
"We never said that a moose would take up residence in your hair if I was unfaithful!" cried Tamahome.   
  
"Well then I'm going to fess. I just decided to come by and then you admitted to cheating on me. BUT THERE IS A MOOSE IN MY HAIR TAMAHOME!"  
  
"Darn." Sighed Tamahome.  
  
"SAY?! WHO DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH?"  
  
"um…no one. Just Tauski…"  
  
"TAUSKI?!" shrieked Miaka. A giant foot descended on the bandit's head, crumpling him into a bloody moosh mass.   
  
"EVERY ONE ELSE INSPIRED ME!" sobbed Tamahome, in shock at his lover's demise.   
  
"DIE!" screamed Miaka, as she slowly killed everyone off. "TIME FOR YOUR TURN TO SUFFER LITTLE GHOST"   
****  
"Very interesting object de art Miaka." Commented Ms. Yuki.   
  
"I like it." Smiled Miaka sweetly as she looked at the small ship in a bottle, with a tiny Tamahome lashed to the prow where mermaids graced other ships. She laughed wickedly and then picked up the phone. "Yui? Hi! It's Miaka. When are we going to dinner and a movie? Uhuh. Yhea I'm glad we are dating too. Best experience of my life! Okay. Ta ta!"   



	2. A Random Sequel That Makes No Sense But ...

It had not bee easy to bear. The pain. The suffering. The humiliation. And the seashells. If only...if only...if only Tauskie hadn't been so allureing. Damn him to hell! Damn him to hell! Tamahome let forth a great burst of chi shattering what bound him to the prow of the ship-in-a-bottle and fell painfully to the glass floor. "My face!" whimpered Tamahome as he got up and tried to climb up the slick enbankment that led to freedom. But, allas, he couldn't make it to the neck of the bottle. With sudden insperiation, Tamahome ran over to the ship, scrambled aboard, grabbed a piece of tiny rigging (and he was quite glad Miaka's grandfather had bothered to take such pains in detail) and then he attacked a tiny fish hook. Why, thre was even a tiny, smelly, rotton fish on the hook. Crazed with hunger, Tamahome scarfed the sushi, even if it smelled like road kill left out for all July.  
  
Tamahome punctured the cork with his harpoon and then bellayed himself up to the bottle neck. Of course, I'm not going to let anything GOOD happen to Tamakins (the cheating b******, so he's going to have trouble with the cork. And indeed Tamahome found that he had only pulled the cork furthur into the bottle and that he couldn't get it unstuck. What wouldn't he give for Tauskie's fan? For Tasuki? Oh that wild bandito! Crazy...like Zorro. Sexy...in a young way, so unlike a Vampire. Well, except for the fangs. Why had he damned Tasukie? Tamahome fell to the bottom of the bottle and wept.  
  
Suddenly, as he wept heartwrenchingly (poor Tama-baby!) he heard a sound that reminded him of a banshie. "YUI HONGO! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!" bellowed the voice, which Tamahome thought sounded alot like Miaka. Suddenly a great hand swept down on his bottle and picked it up. One minute Tamahome was safe inside a glass bottle on a table, the next he was flying through the air in a glass bottle and a ship was crushing his head. Then he hit the wall, was brutally punctured by glass shards, and fell onto the desk, returned to normal human size.   
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
"Tamahome?!"  
  
"M-Miaka..."  
  
Yui suddenly came into the room. "I miss you Miaka..." she whimpered.  
  
"YOU broke up with ME five MINUTES ago! Not five MONTHS!" snapped Miaka.  
  
"What- what about our child?" sniffed Yui.  
  
"You have a child?" shreiked Tamahome.  
  
"We adopted from a program set up to aid unfortunate and impovrished parentless children from third world countries and nations recently racked by war and strife. It was founded by some kindly Duke of the Ocean. Bambi I think was his name." Yui rattled off the information and snapped her fingers at Tamahome.   
  
"What about us?!" cried Tamahome at Miaka.  
  
"We girls just wanna have fun, don't we Yu-Yu-chan?" smiled Miaka coyly.  
  
"ESKIMO KISS!" crowed Yui.  
  
Tamahome tried to crawl under a desk and hide. Suddenly a face was pokeing out at him.  
  
"CHICHIRI?!" asked Tamahome.  
  
"Of course no da!" grinned the catfaced man.  
  
"How are things in the book world?" asked Tamahome.  
  
"Well, Miaka squished everyone. Thats about that. But I came here to rescue you no-da!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cus I just luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv you!"  
  
Tamahome gulped. "You-You do?"  
  
"Yup no-da!"  
  
"Well lets go get it on lover boy!" grinned Tamahome. "Say.." he added in a lower tone. "Could you do that whole impersonation thing? I haven't gotten over Tauskie's death yet.  
  
"Anything no-da!"  
  
Miaka and Yui stared in disbelife as Chichiri and Tamahome shooed them out of the room. 


End file.
